Beez Neez now Chy Whella - Apartment Life

Apartment Life

Beez Neez now Chy Whella

Big Bear and Pepe Millard

Sun 11 Oct 2015 22:57

Apartment Life in Port Vila, Vanuatu

First morning. I was silly when I suggested a brisk start to today, first stop on the itinerary was the Information Centre in town, then a bimble around the tour shops to see what was on offer. Keep in mind that I had just had a really rough night. I kept thinking about Big Bear falling down the hole and how lucky I was that someone had not knocked on the door to tell me he had hurt himself / broken something or worse. Then the thought that he may not have remembered our hotel name as he was whisked away in an ambulance and I was still sitting blogging waiting for my crisps. Dramatic, no, I can’t stop what I think in the middle of the night in a strange bed with different noises – dogs barking, a mewling cat, a gentle snore and the fridge throwing itself into life, I’m sure it wants to be a kango hammer in it’s next life.

To say I opened one eye and thought if someone said “goodnight” I would have snapped the one eye shut, snuggled Beds and gone soundo. My friend on the other hand had slept a dreamless sleep and leapt up full of the joys of a man with no worries. Clacking dishes, he laid the table, kettle on and fridge door opened and shut with fervour several times.

Cereal or toast. I could barely move the roll neck jumper that thought it might be my tongue. “A thup of thee wool bee goo.” OK came the bright response but remember you said bright and early start. I wished I could take back those words and if I could find something to throw at the cheerful soul I would but that would demand co-ordination and an ability to move with some sort of balance........

Showing willing I stumbled out of bed and made it to the bathroom. Spending a penny, as you do, by happenstance I glanced at my watch and called “what time is it.” 8:32 came the strong, definite reply. “Are you sure”. Absolutely, of course I’m sure, in fact positive, I set my IPad time when I got here. Look at your watch Oooohhhh. I’ll give you Oh. It was seven thirty two, the clock reset business must not have taken. The bloody Info shop didn’t open for two hours. Have you ever seen anyone threaten to shove an Ultrabrite toothpaste tube up someone’s nose with vim and vigour.

Bear has

Sit very silently Bear. Silently sooooooooo silently....................

One morning I heard much splashing in the pool, far too early for humanoids and far too cold in all honesty. I went to investigate and found it was a kingfisher who had just finished his bath. Didn’t expect that so close to town. Hope he comes back.

Wednesday. After an email of gentle reminder, the lovely ladies at the marina sent through our ‘get back into Fiji letter’, with no outbound airline ticket we knew we wouldn’t get back in without it. Love the fact that we are not to be ‘hindered’. Took it on a memory stick to Bon Marche and the nice lady printed it out. Never had a carrier bag with a single sheet of paper in it before.

Friday. As you all know dear readers Bear pokes thyroxine in my mouth first thing in the morning and hands me my bigger tablet to take with juice. I was allowed to be in charge of my spin haler on holiday, as all I have to do is poke a capsule in a small hole, twist and suck. Take it to pieces and throw the empty bits of plastic away, job done. This morning things didn’t go to plan. I took my tablet with juice, looked down to find I had swallowed my spin haler capsule and do you think I could get my tablet ........... .........won’t spin. You’re definitely not to be trusted and I’ll put you on a Supervision Order from now on......... Yes dear.

One morning Bear was rooting around in the fridge as the wont sometimes takes him. I’ve found a tomato in the top thingy in the fridge has frozen. No problem I reply cheerily I’ll chop it up and fry it with your steak tonight. OK.

Later that evening. Pass me the frozen tomato. Arrrrrr, it’s a hard boiled egg. Oh. Guess who had been rummaging in the picnic making bag................ Oh.......... can I have Brussels sprouts then.

Have you ever seen anyone hurl a packet of the little green devils wishing them to be weapons-grade. Silly me, they are weapons-grade in their effect................I’ll leave it there.

Cockroaches. As you all know the number one most loathed creature for any yachty is the armour-plated, not-pretty, risk-of-multiplying-out-of-hand, scratching, sawing, scurrying creature. Do they have a purpose on the planet ??? To keep you on your toes. Steady. Anyhoo. I got up for some juice in the pitch black and put the bathroom light on so as to see the kitchen sink, thoughtfully I thought for my sleeping friend. Lot of good that did as it happens. Well colour me alarmed. There was a four incher sitting looking at me from the top of the door. All hell broke loose. I went for the spray can – well remembered in the packing I now think. Squirt. Squirt. It looks at me and asks if that’s all I have. Next came the piece of kitchen roll and more squirting. Finally, once on it’s back it looked more humble and even more so when it was shut in a carrier bag, knotted and then jumped on.

The next night a three incher. There has to be a nest. That’s it. Oh Lord. I go all round the apartment looking for holes, hidey or not. Finally, I see a gap at the bottom of the door frame in the bathroom. Quick squirt up the hole and OH MY THERE IS TWELVE OF THEM, three inchers and a couple of fours. Help Bear. I wouldn’t mind but I was soundo, silly me, it is four o’clock in the morning. Just get armed with kitchen roll and catch what comes your way and throw them in the toilet. What’s that, Oh you’ll have to put your glasses on I need you at your best. Bear did as he was asked as a fairly large centipede decided he didn’t like the squirt that had gone up the hole..............

Mission complete for tonight. Please don’t tell me there is going to be a repeat performance. Yes. Grief. Look we cannot risk taking any freeloaders back to Beez and definitely no eggs on anything. Ohhhhhhhhhh bit and teeth springs to mind. it’s only two hours until the bloke next door is up clacking around in his hobnail boots. The building is known as an economical long-let and the chap next door is a builder who leaves for work at six. Yes, thank you and Goodnight.

Every time it rained and boy, could it rain, the entire lot ran down to our corner of the building. There was no downpipe so within minutes of the heavens opening bucketfuls shot out the end of the guttering straight onto the tiles making a terrible racket. No problem, put one of the patio chairs underneath to numb the noise down. How many times do you think I had to get out of bed to put it back under ??? The pleasure of the heaviest downpours was it meant the local dogs went under shelter and didn’t bark all night. If I lived here I would have to take it upon myself to do something about the homeless canine brigades. We see so many dogs during the day having stones thrown at them by householders trying to move them on.

Fortunately the night prowling only happened during the first week, the sticky houses we bought only managed a chap who measured in at a measly half inch. The important thing though, we didn’t take any home with us. We did take one or two ants and everything had to be shaken to within an inch of its life before going away. We did leave the ant hotels behind.

No sooner than we had got in through the door that very first time, than we saw a thousand teeny weeny ants on the march. They will have to be dealt with immediately. Find the super highway and zap it.

It’s been entertaining if nothing else watching the person and the small creatures at war.

Ruth, our lovely lady who did. Working here until her old job comes back into being. She looks after a super yacht currently away having damage repairs done. But, top prize and coloured me ever so happy was our egg box.