Cassini blog #129 - Short essay on the English tribe and their unique habits
Cassini's blog
Simon and Sally, Nigel and Catherine
Thu 16 May 2024 21:13
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I have got the chance to live in close
quarters for 25 days now with a group of 2 English men and 1 woman.
Based on this experience, I will try to give our readers some pieces of
information on who they are. In fact, while these nice and welcoming people
don't seem threatening, their habits and way of life might surprise any outsider
that has not run basic research on them. I hope this document will prove
useful for them.
The first thing you will probably experience when
joining them is how their daily routine revolves around a sacred beverage. As I
have witnessed, this so called "tea" is more than just a drink for them and
plays a central part in their social interactions. Nobody should address a
member of this tribe before they got their first tea in the morning as they wake
up. Breaking the rule could trigger unwanted consequences. Tea will then be
served on many other occasions during the day. In order to show goodwill, we
advise the outsider to accept at least a couple of cups a day. This will also be
a chance to have a bite at the famous rich tea biscuits. To my foreign eye, it
even looks like sometimes tea is nothing but a pretext for the British to feast
on biscuits.
It is also interesting to comment that while this tea
drink has now spread to other parts of the world they still fancy a unique way
of enjoying it. They will pour a dash of milk in it, an ancestral and mysterious
secret of theirs.
Any person curious enough will soon realize that the
English tribe is very proud. They claim at will that they haven't suffered any
invasion since 1066. One might wonder though who would be interested in invading
an island described by its own inhabitants as cold, rainy and foggy all year
round?
They love to talk about their glorious past and their
long gone empire. But most of all, they can talk for hours about the battles
their ancestors fought over the centuries, any other tribe having been an enemy
at some point. If you happen to be from the French tribe like myself, you should
not have to wait too long before hearing them shout 'Trafalgar' or 'Waterloo'
with much pride. Regardless of the past, they show great interest and focus in
learning French language (sacrebleu !).
Side note from the author: the sample of English people
I studied all served in the military. The observation I made just above might be
specific to this subgroup, or at least apply with less diligence to the rest of
the tribe.
It is now time to address a famous topic, food. A good
day shall start with a full fried breakfast. The objective is simple: fry
everything you can. Eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, bread... They
love toasts and would cover it with a lot of different things. While
some spreads like marmalade are known and appreciated by other tribes, they
have a very unique paste they call Marmite. It is dark brown, sticky, smelly but
in a bad way, and I would never have guessed it was edible if I hadn't seen
with my own eyes one of them eating their daily Marmite toast. They
keep saying Marmite is an acquired taste. The obvious question one might ask
then is 'why would somebody want to try hard to acquire it?'. This is a very
sensible question and I must confess I don't have an answer to it. But to be
honest, this is one of those mysteries you love to bang your head
at.
They are also big fans of beans, and an unprepared
visitor would be surprised by all the types of beans they have. This food is
rather good, but you should be aware of potential consequences on an untrained
stomach.
The English people have traveled the oceans for a long
time and they put a lot of effort and research on developing non-perishable food
for their journeys. They managed to put almost every type of meat in tins, the
most famous being the so called corned-beef. Your servant writing this essay has
volunteered to try it. While I can confirm it is edible and I haven't suffered
from any disease, I would advise eating tinned meat with great caution and only
as a last option.
On a sweeter note, they have a very
tasteful topping called custard that they pour on anything sweet.
Obviously, this cream is very easy to make as it only requires milk and some
powder. Food easy to make seems to be the motto!
Over the 3 English I have observed, 2 quite enjoy
cooking. The third specimen, I quote, 'would not let [himself] starve to death
and can cook something if [his] survival is at stake'. Even if the sample is
very small, this proportion is after all quite common for most tribes around the
world.
Last but not least, we need to mention in this paper an
important part of the English character. They have a strong sense of humor and
will not miss a chance of making fun of everyone. This 'good banter' as they
call it makes for a joyful life among the tribe. Indeed, and that is maybe the
most important: they love to laugh, and above all about themselves. This is the
reason why I feel confident publishing this essay in a well established English
blog without any censure.
Romain
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