Human Rights Violation

Fri 7 Dec 2018 16:08
To whom it may concern,

I’d like to report a possible violation to the human rights of Nina of Southampton’s crew, which has been in continuous progress since 1300hrs UTC on Sun 25th Nov 2018.

British Forces policy, in accordance with International Law, states that Captured PERSons (CPERS) should be afforded eight hours of uninterrupted and peaceful rest each day. I argue that these rules apply to our crew and are being broken quite profoundly.

First, are we captured? Well, we boarded voluntarily with the promise of ‘champagne sailing conditions,’ and the adventure of a lifetime, but I feel we were duped. The Skipper failed to tell us just how sunny it would be, just how windy it would be or just how amazingly good fun it is to drive a 14 ton static caravan through ocean swell with a full sail plan in 30kn squalls. But can we leave? Hardly!

On the next point ‘Skip,’ as the despot Commanding Officer of this detention centre affectionately refers to himself, openly admits his watch system is in contravention of the aforementioned rules. Eight hours of continuous rest is impossible when we are forced to stand watch for three in every eight hours. Like clockwork we have to drag ourselves from what little rest we might be getting to drive said caravan three times per day, leaving a meagre five hours three times a day to complete all our activities of daily living. He has tried to soften the blow by allowing us to choose which rota to take, but this is somewhat akin to letting a patient choose which bed they’d like, so long as it’s in the bay of six with the screaming dementia patient.

Third, what rest we do have is not what I’d call peaceful. I admit I’m a profoundly light sleeper - Jayne will testify that I pathologically seek out and silence any repetitive sounds such as ticking clocks up two rooms away and my own beating heart has an annoying habit of keeping me awake - but this boat is on a whole new level. Having started to list each discrete source of noise I can hear from my bunk I have abandoned the attempt for now, but will perhaps post as a depressingly long appendix in the future.

There are other worrying signs that I’ve been captured, other than the rigid rank structure, assigned cells, inflexible daily routine and deprivation of freedom.
One of the crew, affectionately referred to as ‘Fish,’ seems to be in cahoots with Skip. The former has posted numerous blogs condemning conditions aboard yet no help from the outside world has arrived thus far, and he hasn’t even mentioned human rights despite claiming to be a lawyer. They also look suspiciously similar and appear to know each other well. I suspect his pleas for help on this blog are a ploy but am unsure of their true intent - could he be a mole?

I’ve considered discussing my concerns with ‘Prof,’ another crew member, but he seems very content with conditions aboard and even manages sleep. My medical training leads me to the provisional diagnosis of narcolepsy, although I’m yet to break the bad news to him.
I did try to raise my concerns with our final crew member, Axel, to no avail. He seems to be a quiet fellow, what with being an autopilot ram and all, but I could tell from his expression that he shares my woe.

So, in the unlikely event anyone ever reads this, please forward my message on to The Hague.

...although I’m yet to actually be called that.