Advice to Tenants
Following on from our recent advert for holiday accommodation in the North Atlantic we felt that it might be beneficial to potential tenants if we offered them some advice about the foibles of the caretakers. We understand that one of the caretakers, Richard, has passed on his responsibilities, promoted the original assistant caretaker, Windy, and contracted in a new assistant caretaker, who goes by the name of Paul.
As the current tenants, we have observed a number character traits of Windy (pictured below) that if carefully handled will lead to good rapport and a happy rental period. It should be noted that Windy has given up smoking and 11 days into it, he is prone to various unusual habits. These include unnecessary nocturnal boiling of pans full of water, re-ordering of tins in the cupboards, acting as a personal volt meter, and completing all the odd jobs he can find (and perhaps then some). It is possible that these symptoms may reduce over time.
Although passionate about music, particularly rock (and some other unusual tracks) he has a special dislike of tunes from ex-members of the Household Cavalry (they should be avoided at all costs – or blood letting with a knife and bucket may be required). His dislike of this music is only surpassed by the identification of olive pieces in his bread and the wrapping of ropes incorrectly around winches (remember, it is “clockwise around the *bleep* winch!)
He is particularly safety conscious and believes in tidy accommodation. Be careful when making brews to point the spout of the kettle towards the rear of the hob; pan handles similarly should be turned parallel to the hob (to avoid hooking on clothes).
On first arriving in the accommodation constant requests for confirmation of the locations of food stuffs and various items of equipment will be very well received... NOT.
When asked what activities would improve his work environment he responded, “*bleep* remember all the things you were taught on your training weekends and sail in a *bleep* straight line”. He also pointed out that the MOB button should not be used to wake him in the wee small hours of the morning (or any other time of day for that matter). If this should occur, ensure there is a fresh brew ready to ease the stress levels. In case you're not sure – it is a bright red button conveniently located on the starboard side of the day locker at perfect leaning height.
All watchkeepers agree that at any time, day or night, there is no problem in knocking on his window to ask him any questions or just for a chat. You will always be greeted with a warm reception.
With this knowledge in hand your life as a tenant should be plain sailing!
As for our progress, we have successfully negotiated the ice-laden (slight exaggeration) East Greenland current and are now off the West coast of Greenland sailing North towards our destination (still some 400 miles to go). The wind is currently North Westerly at Force 4 and Sea State 3. For the first time in our trip we are close hauled on a port tack. At long last those that managed to grab the starboard penthouse suites are getting a comfortable ride. The bad news for them is that in a few hours we will be tacking; this will be great for the majority of our watch as our bunks are in the forward port cabin. The temperature has dropped significantly and thermals are now standard attire. Some of the watches have also resorted to using their mid-layers.
A few days back one of the watches indicated that the Red Watch helming was inefficient as we had gone backwards. They failed to mention that they too managed to go backwards and yesterday both White and Blue watch managed to sail the haphazard equivalent of a circle which, as mentioned in yesterdays blog, was blamed on magnetic anomalies and fluky wind. We suspect these are simply excuses as we didn't detect any such problems when we took the helm on our first watch today after mother. We are delighted to be back on deck and enjoying the elements. Below is Andy getting a light shower on the foredeck.
As we were writing this blog Blue Watch called us up on deck to see our first icebergs. They were way out on the horizon off the starboard bow. Tonight's watch may prove somewhat interesting.
Yours, Red Watch (Andy, Byrne, Greg and Linda).