Fw: 10. Sailing home to myself

Telefonica Black
Lance Shepherd
Tue 28 Jan 2020 07:49

14:48.916N 041:34.287W - Number of Gybes: 14 - Distance to go: 1173 nm - ETA: 02/02/2020 17.35h
Max. speed of the day: 17.2 knots - Max. speed winner: Drew

The stars are shining above us. Waves are crushing against the bow. We are making 12 knots. She glides gently through the water. I am on night watch.
We are alone in the middle of the Atlantic, literally. No internet, no phone access, not another soul around, more than thousand nautical miles to each side - feels good. Every now and then a flying fish jumps on deck.
It is a bit chilly but I have a cup of tea to keep me warm. My playlist plays for the third time Dean Martin's 'Gentle on my mind' to cheer me up.

One can't help to feel a little bit sentimental. Or at least I can't help.

Today it is my turn to write the blog. I am Johannes. A few months ago I was still in a big corporate job as an executive.
Since then life has thrown a few twists on me. A year ago it would have been impossible to go on a journey like this during January when it is typically high season in any Finance department. So it is now or never.

Traveling with a sailboat around the world has been a livelong dream of mine. I vividly remember the summer holidays during my childhood as little boy.
My little brother and my cousins tried to build little boats to sail on the little lake, if it even can be called a lake, near my grandparents village.
I built dozens of models of ships, drafted and painted even more. It was the eighties in Eastern Germany during the Cold War.
The world was constantly at the brink of a nuclear war between the eastern and the western block. A border between east and west nearly impossible to overcome. Escaping as an east German out of the country,
let alone getting the material to build a boat - completely impossible. But kids have dreams and so had I. I read books like 'Around the World in Eighty Days' with Philias Fogg by Jules Verne.
One day I wanted to do the same. And now I am doing it with a truly cool bunch of people.

In the middle of the ocean, ones soul lies bare. The distance to any civilisation helps to reflect on things and putting them into perspective.
The distractions modern life has to offer which one help to hide away from oneself in normal life are not available out here - a true detox for the mind.
Some of the thoughts that come to mind are becalming, others hurt like hell. If one doesn't know oneself truly, one doesn't know anything.
One is truly confronted with oneself out here - no excuses anymore.

I am grateful for a great family and truly good friends. You know who you are. I can't express in words how thankful I am for having you and that you stood by me through some dark moments recently. I love you.
As a dear friend put it to me just before the start of this journey be grateful for being on the privileged side. I am.

I must admit though that over last couple of years I got a bit lost in the corporate rat race. Commuting weekly between at least two countries by plane I never had sufficient time for my family, friends nor myself.
Bit by bit I had given up on dreams I once had. The recent changes in my life also forced me to give up on things that I took for granted.
I lost a few people along the way who were very dear to me. I miss you.

However the new situation also presents endless new opportunities that just weren't there before. It is liberating, exciting and scary at the same time.
But as they say, if your dreams don't scare you, they just aren't big enough. One just has to decide what to do with the limited time that is given to us as another dear friend has put it to me recently.

I am getting more true to myself again. The dreams are coming back. Slowly but surely. So far I have just rehearsed for the bigger things to come. I am impatient.

Finally, I am sailing home.

Home to myself again.