Hard core.
Rhiann Marie - Round the World
Stewart Graham
Sun 27 Feb 2011 11:10
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Koh Pan Yi Sunday 27th February 1340 Local Time
0640 UTC
08:20.15N 098:30.37E
Sawadee Cap!
You have probably never thought about this before
but the ability and right to let off a cheeky wee, silent or otherwise, fart is
one of lifes great treasures. I have however recently learned that no such
thing is possible while you have a hard steel and plastic structure which feels
about the size and section of a totem pole, behind a six inch zip in your back,
where several of your orderly and disciplined vertibrae used to be tucked into
the core of your body.
The composite structure in there, could I'm pretty
sure, pass for a peice of modern art that Damien Hurst would have difficulty
competing with and would not look out of place mounted in the centre of a
roundabout. Except that it feels larger and more
unwieldly.
I have been off the painkillers for the past few
days as I figure it is better to know which movements and activities hurt. Then
I can take it easy with these, which in turn will speed up recovery so I can
head somewhere instead of nowhere. Also when I do head somewhere then I
will have a load of painkillers left from the prescription, which can be
used if anything goes wrong. Like if I crash a hangglider or some such,
entirely possible thing.
Yep, what we, sorry me, (I know none of you would
ever do such a thing), used to take for granted is now accompanied by a grunt
caused by whichever muscles are called on to assist the expulsion, clenching
round the totem pole insert, which kind of gives the show away. That
however is the least of my worries.
A sneeze which most of us are normally able to pass
off without even breaking sentence is now like a Kung Fu
move out of Enter the Dragon with arms and legs
involuntarily flung upwardly. The good old "atchoo" is now some
oriental battle cry almost followed up by my bladder
letting go.
Laughing causes me to progessiively bend over to
minimise the pain in the lower stomach until the zip in my back starts telling
me it wants to open up to the elements and spill the contents.
Now however, the grand daddy of them all is the
cough. A cough requires you to, and I know you can't be expected to know this,
use every single muscle and nerve ending from those holding your hair
follicles in place to the bits that hold your toe nails on. Obviously your
whole middle section (the bit where I now have a large modern art structure
inserted) has to be called into play and is the spagetti junction
channeling all the resources called on from your toes to your scalp, to
your lungs. A cough by me now starts well intentioned but causes great pain in
my groin (? I dont know why either) and whimpers out in a meek little clearing
of the throat accompanied by a squeal as think my lungs have just come out my
ears, but to which every body else in this instance just about lets go the
contents of their bladders. Laughing.
So for all you young (and old) men out there. Next
time your girlfriend, sister, wife, mother, gay friend or teacher contemptuously
scolds you for noisily exercising your bodily functions just remind them that to
do such a thing is a biological wonder involving almost every part of your
complex being and that it is a talent not to be suppressed or hidden away but to
be celebrated. Good luck.
The past couple of mornings we have been
"long-tailed" out of our slumber. All except Trish that is. Nothing to do with
my injury. Just that she can sleep on through almost anything. "Long-tailed" in
this instance is not what you may think. A long-tail is the type and style of
boat they use in these parts of Thailand and they come in many variations. The
first to visit us was a man and woman fishing team from whom we bought some
fresh jumbo prawns which we are just about to barbeque. The others come in all
sizes from the one man F1 type to the large bus type. We attach some photos to
show you some of them and to take your mind off the first part of this
blog.
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