The Breadmaker

Bardeau returns across Atlantic
Robert Bard
Mon 20 Aug 2012 16:21
49:43.55N 003:32.62W For us mortals that somewhere approaching Brest. Estimate Ushant 6am in morning, not that I'll be awake. As far as yachts, sailing, progress etc all going well....but the breadmaker and breadmaking is a disaster. The instruction book tells you what to do and then afterwards how what to do should be done.Well its a bit late telling you to put the rising stuff on last when you put it in first because it just listed ingredients. No point in telling you to let the ingredients settle when you've already whisked the living daylights out of them. Result: something out of 'The Blob Invades' except the throbbing pulsing mass of putridity that the guide book said would be a warm, delicious, brown coated crispy loaf of bread is a pulsing throbbing mass of glutinous disaster.
Our chef proudly announced tonight's offering would be pasta and some exquisite sauce. All great except the lazy b----r has slithered off into his cabin and gone to sleep. Obviously unaware that I always eat at 5.15 at home. Might have to make it myself except still smarting from the bread making. The apple crumble has long gone, but we are laden with hot dogs, fish fingers, and 5 remaining bottles of New Zealand's finest.
Better do some nautical stuff....we are whizzing along at 6.3 knots...sea flat...engine doing its bit. Sails are up dueto the naive optimism of the crew. I said I don't mind as long as we don't tilt. Told 'em the reason the bread didn't work was cos we tilted.

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