Day 3

Hello, to people of the land

Today, I thought I would provide a brief account of how sailing has affected my body. I shall start with my feet.

My feet have never been beautiful. I have worn sandals for most of this trip to ensure a nice circulation of air, but due to the sandals flatness, this has led to my toes spreading out, like monkey feet – only with more hair! However, this has been a great help as monkey feet are gripping feet and gripping feet are helpful on a boat. My feet have also become nicely tanned through my sandals, unfortunately only the sides and the tops, so when I take them off – my feet have stripes. I have dared not look into those small wild places between the toes as I don’t want to risk destroying any little new worlds or other stuff that might be going on in there – I just can’t wait for a good soak in the bath.

Onto my legs and due to much of the journey being on a starboard tack, the yacht has continually lent over to the left and so my left leg is now shorter than the right and I hobble about like an old man walking around in circles . My knees are nicely brown, unfortunately, due to the longer style shorts I’ve been wearing my thighs have remained white. This is going to look very strange when I return to my running shorts. However, our first mate likes to wear his shorts short, (very short) and to be honest I’ve noticed more hanging out of his shorts than I’d care  – some of it, I’m sure, winked at me.

Next hands – with continual use and wetness these have become withered and gnarled the softness of skin associated with office work has been replaced with tough leathery fingers, worn and broken nails and a roughness, in fact I think they have actually got fatter…….i don’t know what they look like? Maybe gorilla hands.

Onto the chest – due to the rocking about and the continual strength required in holding on, my chest and core strength has probably improved and I now have a chest to be proud of – similar I’d say to Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story – or maybe a small brown bear.

Now the face and head – oh dear! – my face has really taken a battering – firstly the skin, due to sun and salt, it’s become very weathered, like an old tea bag, flaking skin, falling off in handfuls, and miserable open sours and boils from scurvy. The eyes have become terribly bloodshot from constantly peering out into the distant, far reaching and endless sea looking for hope in a world of despair; hoping for sight of anything remotely interesting, (just seeing a piece of passing fluff, can bring the whole boat out). The eyebrows are quite shocking, oh yes they have gone a very very scary white and would frighten away small children. The scary eyebrows work well with the unshaven gaunt _expression_ and mop of unkept blonde hair mass. Believe me, Borris Johnson has nothing on me.                           

But by far, the most concerning issue is my mind – this is becoming demented and confused and what is more concerning I feel I have at last found my calling and know what’s important to me and how I want to live. In the Azores I have found my middle earth and the calling is strong and in time I shall return to finish the good work that I have started.

For the time being, however, I have another more pressing concern which needs some urgent attention. I have realised that with my hairy monkey feet, gorilla like hands, bears chest, a hobbling walk with short legs and big white eyebrows and mop hair…………….help me! – I think I’ve turned into a hobbit………… and on this boat they eat hobbits!

End

Hello Lyn, Jack and George

Don’t worry, I haven’t really turned into a hobbit, I’m actually a wizard J oh and I’ve re-mortgaged our house in exchange for some magic beans? Knew you would be pleased J.

Not long now and I’m really looking forward to getting home and I’m dreaming of a full roast beef with roast pots, parsnips, yorkshire puds, all washed down with a couple of pints of fullers ESB, and a nice bottle of red!

 …..and can’t wait for a nice walk round the arboretum – missing you millions

Love Ben

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