Avast ye land lubbers!
Greetings all, i trust all is well? It is sunday,
the day of rest. Pah!
We had a good night at the oars and have moved up
in to 10th place, having started 2 days late in 22nd. I gather (for i cannot see
myself!) that there is quite a gap now between us and the next boat, but
fortunately for us the weather has calmed slightly (prob blowing 15knots now)
and we have been able to start our proper shift pattern and will be making good
I'm sure you all had a good laugh at the whole bum
hair in the mouth thing, ha ha, yes, very funny, James certainly enjoyed the
moment! what he doesn't know is that i accidentally spilled some pee on his
pillow last night; ha! not so funny now, is it James?!
The thing with bum hair is that the salt
sticks to it over time, which before too long makes each follicle a strand of
cheese wire scraping away at your poor anus. I know that George Simpson and Pete
Bird were joking when they suggested i wax that area before setting
off, but it was on the basis of this ridiculous idea that i formulated the
cunning plan of trimming, (hence my great nautical pun "checking the trim") whch
has worked very well: you will all be delighted to hear that my anus is in
remission and enjoying a period of convalescence!
On a slightly different note, having given it much
thought over the past couple of days, i feel that bum hair is one of the
strongest arguments against a creator God. I can hardly imagine the good Lord
having one of those Eureka moments: "i've got it! I know what they're
missing! A good covering of anal hair! I've got loads of spare cheese wire
here, i'll use some of that!"
We do have a lot of time to think out here on the
boat, which i thoroughly enjoy. I turned my mind to world peace last night
for a couple of hours, and after a fassion i realised the solution to the middle
east peace crisis! I won't bore you with the details, but hopefully i'll
remember it when i get home. I'm still working on Darfur, this is proving rather
Night time is when your mind really wanders. We
have 3 two hour shifts each at night, which is a long time to be sat at the oars
in complete darkness. The rushing of the wind in your face and the wobbling of
the boat combine to give the illusion that you are traveelling at an incredible
speed! Which is, of course, a complete fallacy.
Our Gucci amplifier, complete with bells and
whistled gave up the ghost when Pavaroti hit a high C, which means we are in
silence. James wears his MP3 player quite a lot, but i have taken to making my
own music. Two songs that i have sung more than any others are "King of the
Swingers" (jungle book) and "Afternoon Delights" (anchorman), which i belt out
while performing what dance moves i can while strapped in and rowing hard!
This morning i have made some modifications to our
seats, to hopefully reduce the increasing agony of sitting down. The chaffing is
only half of the problem; the bruising caused by continually sitting down
accounts for the other half.
We have broken the collar on one oar, but that
should be easily fixable, but apart from that things all seem to be shipshape,
which is nice.
Right dear people, it's about time i popped back on
the oars so i shall leave you there. Ooh, i'd better just write down that middle
east peace solution, it would be a shame if that were forgotten!