Meteors
Panatlantic
Sun 23 Dec 2007 15:29
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Ahoy!
My greetings and salutations from a rapidly drying
cabin! James' prayers appear to have been answered as the waves have improved
greatly and we are enjoying being pushed westwards. My only question is which
God answered his prayers? He tried every conceivable deity, at least one of them
must have been listening! My money's on that one with loads of arms.
Christmas is rapidly approaching, which doesn't
mean much to us in terms of festivities (apart from me composing Carols such as
"Oh Christmas Sea, Oh Christmas Sea" and "Rudolph the red billed tropic bird"),
but it will mean something to us in terms of navigation. (Well, it will mean
something to me, James, like Forrest Gump, just gets pointed in one direction
and told to row!) Sometime on Christmas day we will reach our one and only turn
in our 'go south, turn west' course. Upon reaching this waypoint (that i have
cleverly called 'Turn' in the GPS), we will have almost exactly 1700nm to go,
which sounds a lot, it is a lot, but it should begin to shoot by as we take
advantage of the trade winds and associated currents that will eventually begin
to push us westward at 1kt without us having to take a stroke.
Having now managed to get the MP3 player working
(James pointed out the 'player locked' button on the side) i have been taking
advantage and listening to music throughout the night, which means you are
spared the inner ramblings of a man left alone to row with nothing but his
thoughts for hours on end, as i can now occupy myself with learning the lyrics
to various favourite tunes. My current favourites are: Rolling Stones, Stone
Roses, Green Day, Best Air Guitar Album EVER! and Best Pub Jukebox album OF ALL
TIME!! I have also discovered that i rather like Nirvana, it appears that i'm
having my teenage grunge years out here on the ocean, having spent my teens
playing the didgeridoo to myself rather than locking myself in my room with
death-rock blasting out and painting my nails and eyelids.
The scene at night has changed drastically with the
arrival of the moon. Tonight will be a full moon, which will light our way
almost as if it were daylight. It was so bright yesterday that i sneezed when i
looked up at it! You can read your watch in the moonlight, and more importantly
perhaps, see all the waves coming, enabling you to pick your course through the
mayhem. It does, however, mean that we are denied all but the brightest of stars
and planets, and all the little creatures that phosphoresce so brilliantly when
agitated have also retreated into the deep, hopefully to return when the
moon recedes once more.
Yesterday evening, as i was preparing to emerge for
my first night shift, Forrest called in to me:
"There's a plane over there, i can see its red
light"
"Funny, i've only seen one this whole time, i
wonder what route it's on?"
"How do you know it's a plane, mate."
"It'll be flashing and moving very
quickly."
"oh, this can't be a plane then."
"It must be a satellite, though i've never seen a
red one.... how fast is it moving?"
"Barely at all."
"That's odd, let me have a look....... James,
that's Mars!"
Captain James Burge's Guide to Celestial Navigation
retails for £3.99 and is available at all good joke shops.
We had the thrill of more meteors last night, i saw
2, each one speeding across about 1/3 of the available horizon, their course
visibly wobbling as they hurtle towards earth; James was fortunate enough to
even hear one pop! Fantastic stuff.
We, as humans, categorize everything. I have
recently discovered the categorization of bottoms with respect to chaffing while
trawling through the ether:
5*) A 5 star bottom, your typical 'baby's bum',
comes in all shapes and sizes and is recognisable by its spotless appearance and
healthy rouge glow. The 5* bottom is tricky and expensive to maintain, but the
rewards of such investment are great.
4*) The 4 star bottom is characterized by an
abundance of small pimples caused by a high production of sweat and not quite
enough washing. This bottom is typically found amongst sports people and the
working classes.
3*) A 3 star bottom advances on the developments
made from 5* to 4* with the inclusion of areas of acute chaffing. Specialist
sports people such as cyclists, horse riders and canoeists can often be found to
display a 3* bottom.
2*) A 2 star bottom is in very poor shape indeed.
Spots and boils abound, chaffing from ill-fitting clothing is common and the
whole area presents an 'unkempt' appearance, as exemplified by the
homeless.
1*) A 1 star bottom combines all of the dastardly
curses of the above, along with an abundance of 'men in the rigging', salt and
pressure sores and extensive bruising. The 1* bottom is the domain of that great
breed of human the Ocean Rower, and is rarely to be experienced by mere mortals.
Treatments include sorcery and divine intervention.
Right my dear people, i will leave you there and
will return to this page on Christmas day! Don't overdo it on Christmas
eve, your families will appreciate you all the more if you are not hungover, i
know from experience.
Niall
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