Scooting

Panatlantic
Thu 13 Dec 2007 14:43
Dear All,
I trust you are all well, i am reliably informed that it is a thursday back in England, so i wish you all a happy thursday! We don't have days in the Atlantic, and time is now referred to in terms of 'shifts' rather than 'hours'.
I understand from correspondence with home that we continue to push through the 'best of the rest' and are slowly making ground on the 5 lead boats. Which is nice. The fabulous force 2/3 winds we've been having appear to have eased now and we had an almost perfectly flat sea earlier, which is something to behold! Conditions such as these suit us over other teams as we have a Burge. He is the largest male ocean rower this year (2 of the Atlantic 'Angels' are bigger) and no one can row an ocean row boat harder. Flat conditions require power whereas big surf calls upon an entirely different set of skills, which we don't really posess! So, given that we have a power advantage over the rest of the fleet we should continue to make up ground.... but time will tell, of course.
We've had another good 24 hours at the oars, motivation is high and we're adapting well to our shifts. Neither of us are napping much through the day now, and although one is frightfully tired when woken at 3am to row for 2 hours, that soon passes and we are coping well with the broken sleep. Both of us have had little senile episodes at night, getting up inexplicably and coming outside to start our shift no where near when we are due. The feeling when it is made clear what you have done is somewhere between relief and confusion, but generally just relief!
i enjoy my 7-9pm shift, and my 3-5am shift, it's the 11-1 shift that gets me. This morning it took 80 of those minutes for me to be able to focus and see the compass with any clarity! We had 3 directions of waves last night too, which made for strange rowing as they were only about 20 degrees apart: one second you'd be flying along on a bearing and the next you'd have turned 20 degrees, then 40, and now be heading in totally the wrong direction! During daylight this is manageable as you can see the waves coming but at night they just hit you and you are, to a certain extent, at their mercy.
It's strange when you first wake up as the balance centre in your brain is quite obviously thrown into a state of trauma! Going from a prone (always on your back) position, being tossed around considerably, to standing - with no fixed objects to set your horizons - in a matter of 2 seconds throws your brain into panic and it is very easy to lose balance and fall! Once you're settled in to your rythm things are generally ok at night, only that as you can't see waves coming you have no way of bracing yourself and end up wobbling from side-to-side quite frequently, precicely the motion that tears your poor abused backside to little pieces!
 
It appears that we are being spoken about in a few public places in Bristol, wihch is marvellous! Below is an extract sent to me by an esteemed colleague who was training at a gym in Kingswood last night only to overhear 2 'kingswood slags' having what must have been a highly intelligent conversation for them! Enjoy:
 
"Ere, you remember James Burge don't you. He used to work ere a few
years ago"

"Don't fink so. Where did he work?"

"In the gym. Was always training. His old man's always on the rowing
machine"

"Oh yeah, I fink I remember him. The really fit, tall one?" (sorry
Niall, but that is actually what they said) Are they really talking about the same James i know?!

"Yeah, that's him. Well fit weren't he?"

"Oh yeah innum. He's lush"

"Anyway, what about him?"

"He's rowing in the atlantic with a mate of his"

"Really, how far?"

"Think it's somewhere around the Canaries"

To which some local chav pipes up

"No, they're only f***ing rowing all the way across to the Caribbean?"

"F*** me, how long that gonna take em? Must be at least 2 years" the
Slag replies.

"No, think it's about a month or so"

"I assume they've got an engine in the boat, otherwise they'll be
knackered" said Slag 2

I didn't quite catch the rest, but I think the chav then informed the
local Slags that that was the general challenge and idea of doing it -
it was going to be very hard.

Then one of the slags said, "Well good luck to em. He was well fit
though"!!!!
 
Inspired!
 
Back to a subject very close to my hart: My bottom. i have employed 2 new tactics in the fight against chaffing! Tactic number 1 is the use of E45 cream after shifts. Now i'm not really the type of man who condones the use of moisturisers, or things like hair gel or soap, they're for women and meterosexual men as far as i'm concerned, but when needs must! Without fail after every gym session James and i had this year he would offer me some of his coco-butter with goat extract to rejuvenate my ageing skin:
"McCann you old Devil, might i tempt you with a sample of this here fine balm? Go right ahead and embalm yourslef my dear fellow, it hails from one of the barbarian countries in the far-flung reaches of the empire."
"Ere Burge, i aint usin' that rubbish, tha's for gays innit."
Or something like that.
So, i'm using E45 after shifts and still relying on Vaseline before shifts, though i am losing hope in its healing properties: "Vaseline, soothes dry skin and lips" - they forget to mention "but does nothing for your arse".
 
The other tactic came to me in a moment of genius from a family friend, who sent me this:
Dogs with anal sac disease often present
with signs of self-trauma or hot spots around their rump or a history of
"scooting"(dragging the anus along the ground in a sitting
posture)....
So, despite the danger of falling overboard from standing up to move around the boat, James and i will henceforth stop moving everywhere by 'scooting'.
 
I changed the trim of the boat yesterday as we were listing to port, i moved a few bags of mule bars that were donated by some of the other competitors. I noted, as i examined the packaging, that one of the flavours was Hunza Nut:
"James, this is interesting, i presume the Hunza nut is from the Hunza valley in Northern Pakistan?"
"Yeah, that's what i was thinking".
I have today been teaching James about the evolution of language in Europe and the associated genetic differences seen in European populations arose, how the model language 'proto-indoeuropean' spread westwards from the Urals with the onset of agriculture, and how the Basques seem to have been the one stronghold this language was unable to penetrate, to which James has been listening fascinatedly.
 
By way of quick explanation (as i failed to write anything about the photos i sent, given that i was convinced they wouldn't send!) the first photo is of my arm on the morning of friday 25th November, a few hours after the operation. You can see 2 of the drainage holes, the other one is further up behind my elbow. Exciting hey! The other two are the first of what will become very many rowing photos, one showing the boat listing fiercely in high winds and the other showing a wonderful sunset, the like of which we are treated to every evening.
 
Right good people, i shall leave you there as i'm due back on the oars. James will pick up with you tomorrow.
 
Until Saturday, I wish you all farewell,
Niall