On our way to Canaries
Bardeau returns across Atlantic
Robert Bard
Mon 10 Sep 2012 11:56
Well apart from C Dundee we are pretty much the ARC crew on a 'can we stand each other for 3 weeks' test run. Apart from Jackie, who is David's Moll. She is our new Galley Bitch. David is an amateur chef. Croc Dundee a pro. Asked the two of them yesterday in Gib to go to Morrisons and stock up for the 5-7 day run to Las Palmas.... BIG MISTAKE. £700 bill. There' sonly 5 of us ! First thing I noticed when stepping off the plane and approaching the yacht was she was a bit low in the water. The second thing that raised my suspicion was when a breakfast menu was pushed under the door of my master suite this morning informing me that this morning's gourmet experience would be 'David's own Monday captain's scrambled eggs with smoke salmon and cream cheese. Freshish orange juice, with a choice of Kenyan fresh ground coffee or Earl Grey Tea. Tonight is Beef Bourgnone or something that sounded like that with Chateau Rothschild red wine, and King Prawn salad to start with finest home made Rose Marie sauce. I am told that due to the heathens that crewed down to Gib, certain rather offensive food substitutes had been located whilst emptying the yacht of books, clothing,nav equipment, and ditching the life raft so that the food could be stowed. These were Robert's own choice gluten free hotdogs. David has delicately suggested that in order to get rid of them he is going to gourmet them on Tuesday lunchtime and serve them up as 'hot dog surprise.' Trouble is now I can't wait until tomorrow. The sea is boring, the trip is boring..,.,all I want is my hot dog surprise.
Anyway, my book shelf is empty of literary masterpieces(mostly by myself) and stuffed totally with food. The bilges are stuffed with cans and condiments. If we sink it will mean an ecological disaster or the creation of a new marine Uber class feeding on the finest, and a Chav class feeding on my hot dogs. Anyway we are somewhere off Rabat in Morocco, but cannot see anything as we are a long way out to avoid ploughing through the local fishing fleets and starting another Blair type war. Strait of Gibraltar last night was busy. Always look behind you I said to a crew member, and always use the radar...look I'll turn it on and show you how. I pressed the ignite switch, or something like that...and noticed that half the screen behind us was filled with a giant yellow block. Adopting my cool calm skipperly aplomb, I said loudly 'See ! If YOU hadn't had the radar on you wouldn't have even seen the 250,000 ton container ship 500 yards behind us in the pitch black and closing rapidly !.' I gently turned 30 degrees to starboard and let the floating mass slip gently past about 30 seconds later. I then went to bed with instructions that I be awaken if needed but I'm sure you can all hack it on yer own...and by the way Mr Dundee, any chance of a light pre bed snack of gourmet £700 special Tuna Salad?