Where did the Tuna go for tonight's dinner? That Bloody C at is Dead! 37:25.17N 015:59.81W
The Return of Irene III - 2018
Sat 9 Jun 2018 19:59
Every offshore crew has a lynch-pin member. Often or not that person is our
Chef. The person who can read our minds and know what is the order of the
day. Straight to the heart of "crew morale", FOOD. This raises a question
amongst the crew of Irene III; Galley Bitch or Domestic Goddess? Let's
What is a Galley Bitch? I have little doubt that certain individuals within
the crew would have a more radical description of a Galley Bitch. But the
enlightened, believe it to require a myriad of multi-faceted skills. Skills
necessary to successfully fulfil the demanding responsibilities of this job.
Namely, the ability to balance steaming hot pans, juggle the sharpest
knives, to lightly toss delicate ingredients with a deft hand - creating a
taste sensation. All these skills choregraphed in tight spaces with
excessive heat, while the yacht bounces and crashes about you on the waves,
like a sugar-buzzed infant.
The term Galley Bitch may be viewed as being derogatory. Who am I kidding?
It is! It is a deprecating term and demeaning to someone who runs around
from early morning to late evening, preparing and delivering meals on
demand. Very often without appreciation of effort or skill employed to
produce the dishes placed in-front you. Another required skill is the
ability to clean and scrub the Galley and its Appliances to surgical theatre
standards (MRSI aside?).
The duties of the ships cook are multi-faceted; planning, sourcing, storage,
cooking, serving, cleaning. Minimum of three meals every day, plus treats,
coffee and teas. The "basic fare" from tins, packets and freezer, are not
Irene III. Meals tend to be born from the finest, freshest ingredients,
planned combination of flavours, blended to form the finest culinary
artistry rarely seen on land or sea. All of this in the stifling tropical
The Chef must also be aware of individual preferences, dislikes and
allergies of his crew. When do they want their food, how much to put on
their plates, anticipate when they are going to go grazing and when are they
going to raid the fridges'. Meals on-board are expected to be served
consistently on-time, every day, as they must coincide with crew
However, there are some delicate topics which must be highlighted,
specifically; how do certain individuals (crew) broach the subject of being
vegetarian, paleo or, just being celiac intolerant? Raise the issue on board
and there is nowhere to run or hide. You are at sea! I believe that the best
way to bring up the subject with your Chef, is to mention these things well
in advance of embarkation and preferably at distance (email from the other
side of the world would be safest). By the time you get to meet
face-to-face, Chef should have calmed down. Although, be prepared to leg-it
all the same!
What makes a Domestic Goddess? Is it the friendly, cheery smile you get when
you rise from your slumber and emerge from your cabin? Is it the
light-filled summer apron that flutters in the gentlest of breezes as they
pour you a glass of Rose for lunch? Or, is it the fresh, well balanced blend
of ingredients which form a taste explosion every time you put fork to
mouth? Irene III's Domestic Goddess is expected to drum-up meals such as
Fresh Tuna Ceviche with Lime and Pickled Ginger, Soy Dipping Sauce with
Wasabi with a light pickled Cucumber Chilli Salad. For dinner Parma Wrapped
Chicken with Spinach and Goats Cheese, Balsamic Roasted Tomatoes, Green
Beans and Dauphinoise Potatoes. Menu's such as these are expected daily,
without compromise or excuse. On time, every time. And they are always
delivered. The only debate is what wines?
For those of you who know our on-board Chef for this passage - TONY, who
will never be likened to "the light-of-toe, gentile kitchen princess
associated with Domestic Goddess," one normally associates with a luxury
yacht galley. Galley Bitch? I dare you to say it to his face and then eat
the food he places in front of you? No, not I. No sir, not I. There is a
fine line between misdirected bravery and dumb-ass stupidity and I know what
side of the line I am on. The Bench!
Our resident Chef does have an Assistant. John (JLG), who awakes before
sunrise, every morning and makes coffee, tea and porridge with fresh fruit
for the entire crew, or at least for those of us awake at that time.
Occasionally, John surprises us with scrambled eggs on crumpets, graciously
served while wearing his apron and little else. A hell of a way to begin the
day, as breakfast is eaten in stunned silence.
These are some of the dishes which we have come to expect on Irene III. They
are fresh, flavourful and exquisite. Always breath-taking. Always memorable.
Far, far-removed from our vision of a Galley Bitch. Nevertheless, the
conundrum exists. The unshaven picture of Tony is still further removed from
our concept of Domestic Goddess. The debate sails on!
So, there you have it. A general outline of the duties of a Galley Bitch and
Domestic Goddess - very similar in characteristics with little to
differentiate them. With a contrary image of what we envisage our "Domestic
Goddess" to look and behave like. But in Tony's defence, he may be
"Ugly-as-Sin with all the decorum of a shit-house janitor", but he can
always rustle-up a truly magnificent dinner in the roughest of seas and
still serve it up with a smile! Should any crew be entitled to ask for more?
As luck would have it, I am writing this article while Sean approached our
Chef Tony requesting a change to the lunch menu and the response was
priceless . Pointed Finger, Wagging, "Don't mess with my menus Man or I will
F%@? YOU UP!" Galley Bitch, absolutely. A Goddess, not quite, not with that