AZAB Day 4 Weds 5th June - more benign

Nutmeg of Shoreham
Ollie Holden
Wed 5 Jun 2019 19:16
Position 45:54.6N 13:03.6W

Can't actually recall last night. In the evening we had 25+ knots and the demons came to taunt me again. We had 3 reefs in the main and a scrap of jib up and it was a bit full-on. Waves are quite confused and steep, with lots of solid water flying over the boat. I was soaked. It started to ease overnight but it was horrendously gusty so it was hard to get the sail configuration right - either too much or too little. Eventually I just left the boat to it and tried to sleep. Unfortunately it meant we slipped down below the rhumb line, I dont want to be south of the rhumb line, but we are now 20 miles south of the direct course from Lizard-Sao Miguel.

I was very cautious with sail area this morning - frightened even - of having too much up because these squalls kept coming in and the wind would go from 6 to 27 knots in seconds and it is quite stressful (and very wet!). Eventually I tried to sleep in all my wet weather gear, on the floor, rather than trying to get in and out of kit each time I needed to do something.

However, apart from a few squalls (I cant recall experiencing such an unstable wind!), this afternoon has actually been a lovely day - sunny and 12-14kts of wind, just enough to push this old heavy boat along. There's still a sea running but its not half as bad as it was. Emilia and I have eaten well today - cheese on toast for lunch and a Charlie Bigham's shepherds pie for dinner, and in between we've been playing Uno, doing sudoku and practicing knots.

I calculate we are a third of the way there. The log says we have done 500 miles and the distance to go is about 750. But the direct distance from Falmouth is about 400, so I think we're between 1/3 and 2/5 of the way. Either way, probably another 7 or 8 days to go.

Main concern at the moment is the storm forming just below us, and I am hoping we miss the worst of it. Trying to just take things as they come but my word, my biggest challenge is inside my own head. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Stuff like this trip needs 100% self-control; you need to eat even when you're not hungry (and get E to do the same), drink when you really dont want to go through the faff of taking all your wet weather kit off to try and go to the loo when it is lurching and bouncing around. You need to force yourself onto a dark wet pitching foredeck to put in a reef, and you really really need to sleep, even when your mind is tormented by all the anxieties of the situation. I haven't cracked it yet. I have reminded myself how much I rely on Sarah more than I ever consciously realise, for talking through decisions; it is so tough not being with her (although she would hate this!!).

Lets hope for a quiet night!