For the past week the weather has been cold and grey. Both horses are keeping well, although they are still grumpy at being couped up for so long. Somehow a mouse had decided to make its?€? nest in my nice cozy camera bag. You can imagine my delight when I opened the bag and a furry object suddenly flew up my arm. I guess it was the ideal place?€? warm, well padded and secure in a locked cupboard. Yet the fiend had left its mark - chewed microphone wire, scrabble marks and a litre of fresh mouse urine inside the bag?€?uhm. To top it off the camera was also showing purple images which was either a common problem or due to the mouse. With the help of ATV (the world?€?s only Afghan TV channel broadcast purely in Pastun and were also the first to give Afghans the chance to see their countries free democratic presidential elections) and one Mr. Jawad Butt, the problem was identified as a common one. A faulty power circuit board, which gives trouble on this camera model was to blame and would ?€?need replacing from England.?€? Usually with a an instrument as complex as this I would have accepted the verdict but just to be sure I double checked the electronic market in Lahore for replacement pieces. In Asia people cannot afford the luxury of replacement. . There?€?s an old saying in India that ?€?anything is possible?€? and within four hours the shopkeeper had replaced a resister on the circuit board and the camera was working again.

Muharram 9 and 10

On the tenth day of the Islamic month of Muharram (also known as Ashura), Imam Hussein (the grandson of the prophet Muhammad) was massacred by the armies of the ruling caliphate Yazid after he refused to accept his leadership. Hussein believed the caliphate to be corrupt and he stood up for the true principles of Islam (through the word of God) outside of politics. Whilst those around him distanced themselves from his unpopularity, Hussein was murdered from his horse, Zul Janar, whilst defending his family and most importantly his faith at Karbala in Iraq.

The true meaning of Ashura is debated throughout the Muslim world and there couldn't be a hotter topic, so that's only a brief summary, but this day marked the day of the political separation of Islam, when Sunnis and Shias went their own way. Shias believe that after the Muhammad's death, leadership should have stayed in the family, while Sunni?€?s believe that a leader should be elected from someone capable of doing the job. After Muhammad died his companion Abu Bakr was elected as the first Caliphate. Hussein was the son of Hazrat Ali (Muhammad's son) whose regarded as the first Imam by Shiite Muslims. Shia?€?s believe that Hussein was would not tolerate any other belief other than his own about the purity of Islam and that he paid for it with his life. However it's important to say that all Muslims regard themselves as brothers and they always talk about themselves as such.

I have to admit, that it wasn?€?t until I witnessed Ashura that I understood the shear importance and symbolism of this day to the lives of Shia Muslims across the world.

The owner of the Regale Internet Inn, (Malik) had arranged a mini bus to take 14 of us to his village to witness the commemoration of Hussein that was taking place a day early on Muharram 9. Shaqpur was 30 kms outside of Lahore and there was no problem in us watching the mourning and to top it off his cousin (the district chief) and granted permission for me to film this unique day. Before I left England I couldn?€?t see why a bunch of rather healthy males would choose to whip themselves into a bloody mess. What a blood thirsty religion!! But without understanding, I couldn?€?t have been more wrong.

By early afternoon on Saturday we were walking through the backstreets of Shaqpur old town. Shopkeepers peered at us over their towering wares and small kids couldn?€?t believe their luck at a whole gang of white skinned things begging to be stared at. The ceremony had already begun when we arrived. Hundreds of men were sat squeezed on the floor of the mosque whilst others stood fighting for a better viewpoint at the back. It always amazes me how many people can fit into one small place, be it bus, auto rickshaw or mosque. As is usual in Islam women were totally covered and restricted to a private balcony above us, or pressed at the sides near the speaker who was in full flow when I arrived. He was gesturing in the air, inciting the crowd as his voice rose and fell.

Over the next hour the speakers changed 6 or 7 times, each one with a new message and each one choked with emotion. Several speakers sometimes gathered together to sing and as their voices reached fever pitch, the entire crowd roared pumping hands into the air. As the speakers continued they became more and more emotional. Women started crying and beating their heads in frustration. Even men openly shed tears although they often stopped as soon as they?€?d started. This was obviously a show but nobody was laughing. I remember later writing in my diary that this was a show ?€?but life is a show, shows help remind us of the past to keep the present in focus,?€? which is precisely what this was all about. By sacrificing his life, Shia?€?s believe that Hussein set and example in the greater fight of good against evil. Ashura humbles Shia Muslims by reminding them of the immense loss that Hussein suffered for his beliefs and it should never be forgotten.

I began filming at the side of the mosque and was at least 10 feet away when the flogging began and had to fight my way to the front. The whole affair had turned into a brutal battle between the crowd and the stewards who were struggling to hold them back. As I held the camera above my head, it was like driftwood being carried along on the ocean as the waves came and went. Blood stained everything, flecking my kamij and pooling on the ground. All around those who?€?d finished stood battle weary beating their chest first with one fist and then the other, shouting ?€?Hussein?€? in unison. Depending upon the man each person had his own technique. Most devotees flogged themselves as fast as possible at the start in order to keep the momentum going. But for those who started to slow, the pain lasted for longer and so did the experience. Small boys had begun appearing in the middle of the mayhem and began wildly wrapping flickering knives around their skinny bodies. At first I couldn’t believe it but later one man to tell that all three of his sons had taken part and he couldn’t be prouder.

Then almost as suddenly as it had started it was over and order appeared out of chaos. The horse left and the men who?€?d taken part formed a narrow corridor where they beat their blood stained chests shouting ?€?Hussein, Hussein.?€? I felt totally drained of energy even though I hadn?€?t moved much, the sheer energy and passion of the moment draws you in and leaves you gasping for air. Religion is such an important part of life here in the Islamic world that such and event is not as unusual as it may seem. Men openly flog themselves to represent the pain that suffering that Hussein suffered in the name of Islam. If you?€?d seen the looks on the faces of the devotees, you?€?d see infatuation, excitement, devotion and most of all pride in what they?€?d done. To these men proving their devotion to Allah in this way is one of the highest things they can do. It?€?s not just about meaningless self-mutilation, it?€?s the ultimate _expression_ of one?€?s self worth by pushing yourself to the limit. I later interviewed one of the men and he told me that he felt nothing. He said he?€?d ?€?simply go home, have a hot bath and in the morning my wounds will be healed.?€?

Muharram 10 - Ashura

The next day the whole centre of Lahore was locked down. Police stood on roof tops with Kalashnikovs at attention watching the people surge beneath. Yesterday was just a warm up as today was Ashura. As the sun rose this morning, thousands of people gathered at Bhatti gate where scenes of flogging and devotion took place. Dozens of processions then crossed the city to Tata Darbar where Shia Muslims gathered to commemorate Hussein?€?s martyrdom.

Most of the processions had reached their destination when I arrived at 1630. Outside three large jet black horses loomed over the milling crowd queuing for entry. Tata Darbar was like a fortress as the police had taken it upon themselves to segregate Sunni and Shia to prevent any fighting. There were about 10 of us together from Japanese to Belgium. We?€?d managed to pass through 6 metal detectors, 6 sets of armed police and 6 barbed barriers but we were stopped at the last minute amid concerns for our safety. I couldn?€?t believe it. The police offer in charge immediately accused me of filming when I blatantly wasn?€?t and snatched the video camera out of my hand saying I needed a permit. He then marched us all out of the mosque and I was taken to the Super Intendant?€?s office accused of illegally filming. I couldn?€?t wait to show this guy?€?s superior the tape as there was nothing on it. The D.A didn?€?t of course and actually apologized for his juniors actions. His reasoning was sound, (i.e. even though nothing had ever happened to a foreigner if anything did par se, the officer on duties job would be on the line). He then told me, unofficially, that if I still wanted to enter I?€?d have to dress as a local. So that?€?s what I did. In effect the police exacerbate the situation between Shia and Sunni by creating more tension than they are there to create. The officer on the gate asked me where I was from when I arrived and I replied in Urdu, ?€?Peshawar.?€? I was a Shia Pashtun from a Peshawar.

Inside things were almost over. Litter coated the floor but there were still dozens of stands selling CDs and religious ornaments. A few men remained flogging themselves but the day?€?s energy was almost over.

Although the past three months in Lahore have been exiting I wanted a change. The Indian embassy in Islamabad refused to give me a visa and the foreign office refused to extend my visa further ?€“ I?€?m only allowed to stay in Pakistan for two months at a time on a multiple entry visa. So since I couldn?€?t leave to India, I traveled to Afghanistan instead.