Trucking - Good Yarn.
Rhiann Marie - Round the World
Stewart Graham
Sat 12 Mar 2011 05:30
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Phuket Saturday, 1106 Local 0406 UTC
Last night I went down through the village to a
small local restaurant. Most main dishes were under a pound. I had three, which
by my wifes logic saved me more money than only buying two. So I saved a lot of
money. I spent it on beer, wine, rum and whisky. It was money well spent. I
think in the process my back took a major step forward. Having made
this discovery I am now going to write my surgeon in Penang and advise him to
integrate this activity into every recovery plan.
Now what can I tell you today, obviously not too
much about last night so I have to cast my mind much further
back.....
To a time in the Hebrides almost thirty years
ago.......... at the hieght of the cold war. I may be making this up and
all the characters names have been changed. I was not really there but for the
purposes of this story I shall write in the first person, as if I was there ( at
the time I was at home studying...)
It was abeautiful Hebridean night with it's
accompanying two hours of darkness. In a time and place where nothing ever
happens....... It must have been mid summer and I had at the age of eighteen
been able to save up and I guess borrow enough money to buy a brand new
Toyota 4x4 truck. It was great for work and as a run around and with the
motocross bike in the back I could go anywhere. However this night I was not
anywhere. I was with a friend down on the shore about one or two in the morning.
This was a shore near the airport. The NATO base. The front line of defence in
the cold war. The place that closed off the North Atlantic
gap...
Please remember I am making all this
up.
Anyway we were simply keeping an eye on a salmon
net. As you do. While we waited I sped along the shore with the 4x4 and decided
to cut through the river where I had been the week before. Being a stupid person
I had not taken account of the fact that the tide had some effect even on this
part of the river, even so far from the sea. The week before the water was
up to the top of the wheels, this night the water was up to the top of the
doors. The Toyota engine had an adverse reaction to two cyinders full
of brackish water and in protest shot two con rods through the side of the
engine block. The occupants of the cabin also had a bad reaction to being
mostly underwater so climbed out through the side windows onto the bonnet and
made a leap for the shore.
What to do? All my short lifes savings and most of
my loan committments now under water. "I know" said one or the other of the
two people who were not really there, we will go along to the airport and see if
they will use their land rover to help us tow the wagon out of the river. This
was the Hebrides, people are kind and helpful and would not see us stuck. We
were sure of it. We were undertaking the noble endeavour of trying to catch a
few fish for the pot. So off we walked along the shore over the dunes, over the
fence and along the runway to the large hangar. We never gave it a second
thought. We were sure we would be making a reasonable request and that we
would be obliged. The short period of darkness had more or less passed. We
reached the hangar which had the enormous doors wide open. Waiting to scramble I
suppose to stop the Russians trying to get between Iceland and
Stornoway. They would never risk it they would be seen in a nano
second.
We on the other hand were not seen at all. We
walked into the hangar (or if I had been there and if this was real or true I
would have walked in I mean). There were several aircraft there. One was a
Jaguar or a Phantom, or could it have been a Vulcan, I can't remember what
they were. I am not a plane spotter and none of these things could tow my
beloved Toyota out of the river. We called out, we walked around. There was a
light on in a side office and the window was open into the hangar. We went over
and went in calling out but nobody came. I suppose they were only able to hear
Russian accents or something. Nobody came to help up and the tide was coming in
and we needed help soon lest the Toyota may end up in the Minch.
We were sure somebody would understand and would
help us but nobody came. So ........ outside the window was a
tractor with a mower attached to the back
actor and PTO. We dropped it the back actor and took off the mower. We started
the tractor and drove off out through the aircraft and out of the hangar down
the runway ( now obviously this is ridiculous and I do not want Jack Bauer or
some such like agent turning up on my boat interrogating me about this - stay
calm NATO please). The Russians would never have been as cunning as us,
just walking up the runway and asking to borrow a tractor. Anyway off we went
down the runway over the verge and dunes and through the broken fence to
the shore.
It was very bright now. We towed the truck out of
the river and through the village to a workshop where the extensive
repairs would commence the next day. Never for one single minute having thought
what we did was unreasonable we set off back down the road through the
village, over the shore, through the river through the fence. To the airport.
The NATO base. The first line of defence. National defence. International
defence in fact. Now it was a bright clear Hebridean morning. All was well
with the world as we drove down the runway. We had nothing to hide. We drove
through the fighter bombers and took the tractor right back to where it had been
parked. We dropped the back actor reconnected the mower and the PTO and with
nobody there to thank we set off along the runway on the long walk home. We had
no salmon either so a pretty unproductive night altogether.
Now I don't want anybody to get into trouble over
this, especially the people who never did it and were not there, because it
never really happened..................... I will tell you in the future some
time about some true adventures which are far more exciting than this yarn.
See you later. And remember don't tell a soul about
this.
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