The longest week.
NY2SY SOLO NORTH ATLANTIC ROW
NIALL IAIN MACDONALD
Thu 31 May 2018 21:58
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I was always going to try again. It was just a case
of when. After I had to abandon my first attempt in 2014 I have to admit that I
often hoped that the desire to row the North Atlantic Ocean would fade and that
would give me an excuse to say "well, I tried" and move onto something else.
That has never happened, even after all the setbacks and seemingly endless
stumbling blocks that appeared. I am doing this because I really want to. But
that doesn't make it any easier or lessen the fears and doubts.
 Rowing
underneath the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel.
I apologise for not writing more sooner but I was
completely focused on getting a good start and making it out to the Gulf Stream
as soon as possible. I am going to document my challenge as honestly as I can.
This is not some swashbuckling adventure full of stunning sunsets, amazing
wildlife and blue skies. It's hard and I have found these past few days very
hard. Self-doubt, fear, fatigue, impatience, low mood - it's felt like the
longest week. And that is just the first week out of a few dozen!
I didn't really want to share what I was feeling
incase I alarmed anyone but I am OK and starting to accept and deal
with life out on the ocean. There will be good days and bad days. I have also
been feeling a bit queasy when I use the laptop and it's amazing how many typos
you make when typing on a moving goat.
I had forgotten just how frustrating it can be to
do an ocean row. Being pulled in the wrong direction by counter-currents.
Battling headwinds to gain just a couple of miles for maximum effort. Oars
up in the air and oar shafts hitting your ankles as you try and row across the
waves. And the slow, slow pace. It can really get to you and it's easy to let
even the smallest thing become something much worse. In my mind, I have been
trying to row the North Atlantic in a week, totally irrational I know, but
that's how I've felt sometimes. Let's just get it done. I've had to challenge my
impatience and recognise that this really is a marathon, 3-4 months.
I'm also scared of failing. I wish that I
wasn't but that feeling is there. What if? This might go wrong, that might go
wrong? Worrying about things that aren't my immediate concern and may never even
be an issue. I am here and I am going to try my very best, that's all I can do.
I am not an adventurer, far from it. I feel very insignificant out here on this
vast ocean. I make careless mistakes, react too quickly, see the problem instead
of the solution. Hopefully over the next while I can grow into the challenge
that I have chosen. I need to thank Leven Brown who is acting as my weather
router for NY2SY. Not only is he trying to find the best, and quickest, route
for me across the ocean back to Scotland but for the last week he has handled
all my expressions and outbursts of doubt and despair with understanding,
empathy and wise words. I couldn't ask to have a better person guiding me
through all of this.
I'd also like to thank the wee warbler-type bird
that landed on my boat the other night. It was a welcome unexpected visitor when
I was feeling very low. I decided to name it Gloria Hunniford (I was extremely
tired and slightly manic) and it gave me a great lift for the couple of hours it
spent flying around the boat catching insects. Sadly, it also caught and ate a
moth that I had befriended the day before. Nature can be brutal.
As I write this, I am currently drifting gently in
calm waters on the outer edge of the Gulf Stream. The plan now is to keep rowing
due east to get into the main channel and find some decent current. The days
have been very warm and it's been hard going but I can see the miles adding up
and, although I seem to go round in circles at times, I am making progress.
I have been made aware of the support back home, and further afield, and I cannot articulate what that means to me. Thank you for taking the time to get in touch and for believing in what I am trying to do, thank you so much. I have many more people to thank, people who made it possible for me to finally get this far and I'll write more about them over the coming weeks. Please remember that I am trying to raise funds for
the Scottish Association for Mental Health (SAMH) and mental health issues in
general. Thank you for your amazing generosity, it will make a difference to
someone's life.
NI #NY2SY #SAMH
p.s. boat
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