It’s just taken us fifteen minutes watching the new Ice Age movie by plane what would normally take us eighteen hours to sail. We’re almost in St Lucia. The plane stops here to pick passengers en route from Grenada to Gatwick. Surely this is what my friend, Kath Stansfield would call the flip side. 

The main drama so far is that Delphine has refused to wear British Airways' cattle class earphones. ‘They won’t fit!’ she exclaimed, holding up the wires and using the same voice as if we were in Quest’s cockpit with the wind making instant dreadlocks out of our hair. Only now we’re in 30 K,J and H. The Cap is sitting on the other side of the aisle. 

We all know the saying, ‘You don’t get if you don’t ask.’ I think my Polish grandmother, Wanda might have even coined this saying. And so, the smiling stewardess presented Delphine with some refined-looking, front-of-plane headphones before take off. ‘How do I turn this down?’ Delphine just shouted at me, pointing to the buttons on her armrest. About twenty heads jumped in their seats. Good question. 

For sure this is a bittersweet return home. I keep thinking of things I want to tell Grandpa with the usual, ‘this is going to make him laugh,’ bulls***. Each time I get hit with a punch in the chest. Not just me either. Periodically Jack winces too like he’s getting the same punch. Things are going to be different now. Quiet. 

As the stewardesses were bustling round for the pre-safety take off, one small stout stewardess caught my eye. Ok, I know it’s slightly a tiny bit mean but I I turned to Lulu and said, ‘Did you know that you can only work for BA if you wear your hair in a doughnut?’ Then I caught sight of another, blond stewardess and quickly amended it to, ‘Or a hair twist.’ Lulu looked cooly at the stewardesses. Appraisingly. ‘What about short hair?’ she asked. ‘No, you can’t work for BA if you short hair.’ ‘What about female captains?’ I sat back. Good question. ‘I think that if you’re the captain, you can have short hair.’ Silence. Five minutes later, my arm gets tugged. I’ve moved on by now and cruelly forgotten all about my trick. ‘Buns too,’ I hear whispered fervently in my ear. I look up at my kid, this kid who’s been removed from normal society for a year and a half. She’s looking at the stewardess. ‘Doughnuts, twists and buns,’ she says knowingly. Boy oh boy. What have we become? 

We’ve just landed in St. Lucia. Due to rules for this flight stopover, the crew have changed over and a pretty, sharp-looking stewardess with a short bob has just walked in. Lulu saw here and turned to me like she’d just seen a bolt of lightening. I looked back at her sheepishly and waited for her indignation. I never thought she’d believe me! Instead, she opened her mouth and whispered, ‘She must have known somebody…’ 

‘What are you talking about?’ Delphine yelled. Twenty heads have just jumped again. 

Delphine has just discovered that she got a little gift pack with her plastic sliver headphones. She clutching it tightly to her chest and exploring its contents. Opened the toothbrush and admired it’s new white bristles, balked at the world’s smallest offering of toothpaste. Like a tampon for a mouse. ‘I think that’s actually foot cream,’ Lulu said casually, not displaying any sign of jealousy, having not received anything except a brown microfibre blanket and length of wire to stick in her ear. I look at Delphine. Without comment, she carefully puts the tiny tube back in her new purse. Lulu carries on watching her movie, eyes slightly glowing now. Everyone’s getting in on the act. 

Love from Quest and her crew xx