The Fun

Quest
Jack and Hannah Ormerod and Lucia, Delphine & Fin
Fri 2 Dec 2016 09:00
It was Grandpa who first taught Delphine how to swear. He took it upon himself after the doctors warned us that she might not talk. Or very much. Ha! Still, Grandpa got around this by showing Delphine instead the proficient use of highly-offensive hand gestures. He’d do this at the same time as cooking Sunday lunch with Vronnie. They did this almost every Sunday when we lived behind their house. In between glazing carrots and adding mushroom powder to gravy, he’d tell us too about the Welsh butcher doubling up as the dentist, our local mine shafts still full of unexploded WWII munitions and about the tractor that went out into the peat bog behind our house. It sank without a trace. 
June 2015. This particular Sunday we were sitting around after lunch. The peat bog stretched out behind us in a twenty-mile brown blanket and Grandpa was drinking his golden glass of Calvados. I asked him if we were doing the right thing by leaving. He put his drink down and sat back. Delphine jumped in like a thieving magpie, taking his glass. She put it to her nose. I made a mental note to take it from her but before I did, Grandpa crossed his arms. ‘Being selfish,’ he said slowly, ‘I’d say you were crazy to go. But if you don’t go then you’re both a couple of c***s.’ 

Jack blinked in quick succession. I knew what he was thinking. This is the same man who goes out in a storm to try and fix the greenhouse door. Employs a system of ropes to lift heavy metal chairs onto his balcony rather than just carrying them up the stairs. 

Without warning, Grandpa got up and left the room. He came back a few moments later wearing a short, black, curly-haired wig. ‘Who am I?’ Underneath his wig was an ingratiating smile. ‘I’m so wonderful, no one’s as perfect as me!’ To prove his point, he did an enthusiastic jig. Now, his son’s hair is not curly and not black at all but we got it anyway and erupted into laughter. Except for Jack. He shook his head at his father. ‘Good thing you don’t have an antenna on your roof.’ 

With all the attention focused on Grandpa’s new-found hair impression, I’d forgotten about Delphine and the glass of Calvados! I spun around to catch her licking the last bit of golden liquid out of the glass. Her cheeks guilty-red apples. 

Love up to the stars. From Quest and her crew xx