The life of Doris

Bardeau returns across Atlantic
Robert Bard
Sun 2 Dec 2012 19:09
So we had a new member of crew...the highly inflatable doris. We are all in mourning for doris after David fell on her late this afternoon. Rubber to rubber, shreds to shreds, she may have been born in a Gibraltar vending machine, and liberated by some of the country's finest fire fighters, but her stay on Bardeau was only too brief. We had come to know and love doris for the brief time she was with us.Her inquisitive smile charmed everyone and she was on the verge of becoming the yacht helms-bitch. Mr Kennedy is heartbroken. 'I know I have my Wendy,' he spluttered, 'but she wasn't made of rubber like doris.'Any donations should be made to El Illustrious Skipper,c/o Union Bank, Zurich.
Only this afternoon after her endearing manner David and John had to utilise the ship's angle grinder to remove doris from a drinks holder where she had become stuck by the neck. She was then placed in the recovery position on the saloon couch, where David, creating Roast Lamb and Rice pudding for the evening feast, was affected by some unfortunately timed bit of Animal sail tweaking...he fell back onto the couch and doris was no more. An entry to this effect has been added to the ship's log.
Well, it's still grey and squally out there. The only hint we are in the tropics is the occasional whiff of an unwashed motley who are proudly in a competition to do the longest 'skank off.' Mr Kennedy and I are in agreement that if this goes beyond tomorrow we will hunt them down and hose them down under the bathing platform shower. Tonight is Roast Lamb and Mint Sauce followed by Rice Pudding washed down with a fine vintage mateus rose. We are now beyond the point of no return, and chilling as it seems, no more mateus will be forthcoming until Barbados, Brazil or wherever it is we are meant to be heading for. Today's present is bubbles...a bottle of blow bubbles....just what we needed!
El illustrious skipper

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